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My professor tried to rally his sleep-deprived freshman class. He said, “Georgia Tech is hard. When you get out, you’re like a Marine.” He went on to explain that because we worked so hard for so long, we were training ourselves for big challenges in life.

Well, he was right. Here I am six years later, and no challenge scares me. I know that if I work hard and stay dedicated, I will get it done–and do it well. It doesn’t matter if I am training for the ‘Road Rules Challenge’, or writing an article on a tight deadline, I know how do get it done.

This has become a problem in my life. I work at the studio from early morning through the day and into the evening. I come home and sit in my quiet home. I know I could get to work and get more done, but I am tired. I get a weekend off every month or so, and I know I could catch-up with personal projects, but I am; too tired.

So I work when I need to work, and rest when I need to rest. Today is Memorial Day, a day off from work. I’d like to lay down and watch movies, but it’s time to work.; I’ve spent six hours hear at Candyce’s coffee shop, and I’ve been typing up a storm. This feels good.

Tonight after Mass, St. Tim’s Life Teen had a lock-in at the bowling alley. Candyce and I stopped by to help out. There were 225 teenagers there. It was a mad house.

Candyce joined up with a group for a couple games. I cruised from one lane to the next getting to know all the new teens. It was overwhelming…there were more kids there than went to my high school.

Candyce and I got back here to my house to talk before she went home. She admitted that she didn’t recognize many of the popular songs all the teenagers were cheering about. I admitted that I was a little intimidated by all the different kinds of teens there.

In the end, it was all God. I mean, I can’t always be a cool dude from MTV. Candyce can’t always sing along with the lyrics. Matt Maher can’t always write cutting-edge music. We have to trust that God is working in the heart of each person, and we are only here to help a little.

I’ve had the most wonderful morning. I mean, I can’t imagine feeling better than; I do now. I’ve had seven random, wonderful conversations.

1. Filming with Sergio
Sergio knocked on my door at seven o’clock sharp, just like he said he would. (Lots of people have let me down this year, so Sergio’s diligence was terrific.) Our goal was to get lots of funny footage of me going to garage sales. Sergio will edit it together in a fun segment used to introduce me at summer conferences.

Most people were excited to have us there, especially after they found out we were from Life Teen at St. Tim’s. One guy explained to me where he got the four large boxes of stuffed animals. He won in the claw-drop machines at the bowling alley. After a little prodding, he admitted he spent almost a thousand dollars, “For the challenge.” One girl was selling magazines, and I was on the cover of one of them. She wanted; ten cents; I gave her six dollars.

2. Hippie Coffee Shop
We were done filming and I couldn’t go back to sleep. So I drove downtown to the historic antiques district. I walked through the cool old neighborhoods and came across a hippie coffee shop in a curious old bungalow. It was stinky like any good hippie hangout.

A guy looked up to me and asked, “If your name Matt? You go to St. Tim’s right?” This was odd hearing these questions from this guy in this place. “I moved here three months ago from Connecticut, and someone invited me to go to the teen Mass. It was like going to a really good concert. I looked up, and there were all pro baseball players and then you were there. I was like, this is a cool church.”; So we talked about Life Teen and St. Tim’s for the next fifteen minutes. It was cool and entirely unexpected.

3. Back in New Orleans
I walked a block down the street and stepped into a classy antiques store called Sage. A classy lady in her thirties told the owner, “I just love this place because it reminds me when I lived in New Orleans.” So we started talking about New Orleans, then the Real World, then her family.

She told me that her brother really enjoyed the show because he could identify with me because he was a cool, relatable Christian. She went on to tell me that he gave up his high-paying executive job to be a youth minister and volunteer fireman. It meant so much to me to hear that. It was wonderful.

4. My Florist Cafe
I walked a block down the street past the My Florist Cafe when I heard the door swing open and a girl yelled out, “Matt! Is that you? I’ve seen you at concerts, at the airport…” She told me she goes to a local church and it meant so much to her to see another Christian representing on MTV. We had the most joy-filled conversation. It was wonderful.

5. Honey Bear’s BBQ
I was hungry and I pulled into Honey Bear’s BBQ. I lady in line in front of me said, “Hi Matt. You don’t know me, but we go to St. Tim’s.” After chatting in line, and I sat down with her and her husband for lunch. They’ve been going to St. Tim’s for over 20 years, and she had lots of cool stories to share. I talked about the future of Life Teen with the summer camps and the website. We got so excited…I just wanted to hug everyone in the place.

6. Borders Books
I drove to Tempe and went to Borders to buy some books on the history of cars. On the way out, I ran into Chaz, a guy I met at a coffee shop last year. It was good to see him, because he and I had an intense, hour-long conversation about his struggles as; Christian. I never thought I’d see him again, and here I was standing in front of me. It was good to see him.

7. Guys’ Day Out
By this time, I figured I should get home and seal off my perfect morning. I walked a block down the street towards my car. I heard a door swing open and a young guy yells, “Matt, what’s up man! Me and the guys from St. Teresa’s are having a guys day out. You want to eat some wings with us?”

I stepped inside and saw a big table of dudes drinking cokes. They’d just hiked up and down a mountain, went kayaking, and now they were eating lunch. There were a few teenagers, a youth minister, and a couple guys in the seminary. I pulled out my car books and explained to them my new idea for a website: custom car history and US history. It was cool to talk about it with guys, because the site is meant for guys. (When will I have time to make another website?)

:::

This has been one of the best mornings of my life. Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated. But more than that, it’s good to know my mission on MTV and back here at Life Teen means something. Today, God arranged seven conversations that let me know that I am doing the right thing. I feel so good right now I could cry.

I work on the campus of a retreat center, so there are always random people floating around. I usually smile and say hello, but I keep my distance so they can have their solitude. I was crossing the breezeway between my office and the studio when a lady asked me for help. “Can you help me get my battery out of my cell phone?”

She explained it was wet, and she wanted to dry it out. So I pushed and pulled on the battery, and it just would not come out. I tried hard, because this lady was hear on a retreat, and I didn’t want her to spend her day worrying about her cell phone.

Each time I crossed the breezeway, I fought another battle with the phone. Still, not luck. I propped my foot on the picnic table bench and tapped the phone on my leg, hoping to shake some water out. My khaki pants got darker with water with every tap. The silence was awkward, so I asked her, “How did you drop it in water? You don’t find many puddles here in the desert.” She paused, and hesitantly said, “I dropped it in the sink.” I tapped all the water out, then handed her the phone. I stepped into the studio to grab a book.

On my walk back to my office, she said: “Thank you for all your help this morning, but I have to be honest with you. It’s embarrassing to tell you this but I need to be honest. I didn’t drop it in the sink. I dropped it in the toilet.”

It’s three in the morning. I; I am so fcking mad I can’t sleep.

I am tired of people letting me down.
I am tired of incompetent people.
I am tired of lazy people.
I am tired of people who don’t do their job.
I am tired of people who lie.

Who can I depend on? Really? Where are the people who do what they say they will do? I am becoming and angry person. Forget the bullshit that I can control how I feel. That only goes so far. How am I supposed to feel when these people are pissing on my dreams?

The past year of my life has been a waste because people are letting me down again and again and again. Don’t hold me back. Don’t fuck with me. Either you do what you are going to say you will do, or get the hell out of my life. I am going to snap.

God, please help me. I don’t know what to do.