Supafly.com

I am not content with where I am in my career. I’m not talking about my “career” as in how much I get paid and how much power I wield. I am in ministry, so the ambition and goals is not the same.

I am not happy because I haven’t produced anything magnificent. I say with pride and humility that my work is slick and impressive, but not magnificent. I want to roll together all my passion, energy, and talent and blow the world away.

I don’t know where God factors into all of this. I don’t know if this is vain desire, or a divine calling. Either way, I don’t think I’m going to stop. Maybe God has allowed my; big ambitions to be thwarted to keep my humble and dependent on Him. I really have no idea.

I do know that at my most broken moment of the day, I feel like I’m not making a difference at all, that I am just wasting my time. But at the best moment of each day, I am ready to run for president. I get a ferocious hunger inside of me to change the world. So I get back to it.

;

I’m on plane from Salt Lake City to Phoenix. I spent late last night and this afternoon in a town called Belle Fourche, South Dakota. I’ve seen so much this weekend.

Last night we drove through Sturgis, a small town that is home to a the biggest biker rally in the country. For most of the year, the town is almost abandoned. But for three weeks, it’s the craziest place on earth. The population of the state actually doubles. But last night, the main street was lined with empty storefronts and an occasional tattoo parlor.

Our tour guide was the sheriff of Belle Fourche for most of his life. He was passionate about life and the stories of his state, so he made for a entertaining tour guide. As we drove through the towns, he pointed out houses where the Hell’s Angels would hideout. I heard all kinds of crazy stories. I’d tell the stories but they’d probably kill me.

This morning I took a walk around the town. South Dakota only has 750,000 people in the whole state. I was the only one on a Sunday morning walking through the town. It was a tired town, and not much was going on. But there was still a spirit of adventure.

This afternoon I spoke at a middle school rally for the Diocese of Spearfish. I thought that name was quirky–Spearfish–so I’d been curious to see what the area was like. I was disappointed that few if any residents actually spear fish. Bummer. But it was a good afternoon. I worked with 5th through 8th grade students. I’d never worked so closely with 5th and 6th grade, so I learned a lot.

I got a good glimpse of the South Dakota scenery on my drive back to the airport. I saw wild turkey, deer, prairies, the Badlands, Wyoming, and prairie dogs.

Now I am on the plane and headed home. I’ve given five talks in two days. I started in Arizona, then to Washington, Utah, and South Dakota. Now I figure we’re flying high above the mountains in Northern Arizona. I want to get home.

I am sitting patiently in the Seattle-Tacoma airport. My flight to South Dakota doesn’t leave for another hour, so I’m trying to chill out. I’m watching the sun peak through the clouds before it sets in the distance.

Seattle is so beautiful during the fall. The maple leaves turn so bright, you’d they were on fire. They look like lighthouses against the dark evergreens and grey sky. It’s wonderful!

This afternoon I spoke at an event put on by the Diocese of Seattle. They’ve been doing this event for a while, so it’s run very well. It’s nice to show up at a place and know that the success or failure doesn’t depend on me. My friend Mark Hart was the MC for the afternoon, and we work well together.

Tonight I’ll be going to sleep in South Dakota. Traveling to two spots in one weekend is exhausting, but these are exciting places to visit. Well, I have an 45 minutes left until we board, so I’ll read some more of my John Grisham book.

Tomorrow morning, United States citizens will wake up and decide who will lead our country, and ultimately, the world. I have been drowning in grief all day. I have more anxiety about tomorrow than I did waiting for my first episode of “The Real World” to air on MTV.

All day the radio has been buzzing about “a nation divided over the presidency.” But in reality, we are always divided. The presidential race is the only time we pick; sides in the culture war. Stress is charging through my body. My shoulders are tense, and it makes it difficult to type.

:::

My phone rang right after I finished that last paragraph. It was my friend Nick who I knew from my church back in Atlanta. He’s now living in DC studying to be a priest. Although he’s older than me, we’ve always had a connection. I paced around outside in the chilly darkness of the night for a talked for half hour. It was good to catch up with him. I feel better now.

:::

(30 minutes later)
This year has been stressful for me because I’ve kept up on current events. For the past eight months, every media outlet has been quietly campaigning for their cause. You can’t believe anything you read in the papers, watch on television, or hear on the radio. My brain hurts because every time you have to decipher everyone’s political spin. There’s no objective news!;

The reason my heart is so heavy now is because I am trying to make the world a better place. This is not some silly ideal try on when I do an occasional friendly thing, this is my mission every day. All my time, energy, and money is devoted to making the world a better place. I am on a mission. But I’m not the only one.

That’s why this election is so big. For one year everyone commits to an ideology, and in the end, the votes are counted and there is only one winner. Either your ideals are legislated, or they are not.

This presidential race is so close. Senator Kerry and President Bush are campaigning every moment of every day, just like the millions who support them. I am just afraid that I didn’t do enough. I am a grown up now, and I can see clearly that victory belongs to those who fight for it. I am trying to fight a good fight. I am trying to engage the culture.

:::

Regardless of who is elected president, some things never change. In four years, they’ll be another election. I’ll still be a Christian. I’ll still be campaigning for the a Culture of Life, where every person has dignity.

:::

(1 hour later)
I am still typing this from Candyce’s coffee shop. It’s getting late, and there are only a few of us left. The young couple is sitting across the room, leaning into their coffee as they talk about politics. It was so cool to hear them talk about what I wrote a few paragraphs before: “No matter what happens, God is still God. We have nothing to be afraid of.”

It’s almost seven o’clock and I am still at work. I’m not going to do anymore work today, but I need to sort out the emotions that are rushing through me after such a crazy day. This is what I did today:

1. Designed a very cool T-shirt from scratch. Most talented designers need at least three days to do an original T-shirt graphic. I had to start and finish it before lunch.
2. Researched, wrote questions, and then interviewed the star of the movie “Terese.”;
3. Updated five sections on the website.
4. Planned a few new pages with the Summer Camps Marketing Director.;
5. Built a photo album for lifeteen.com
6. Had phone-meeting with our website project manager.
7. Prayed for the upcoming elections.;
8. Deleted over 100 emails, replied to 40.;
9. Worked on our online video game concept.

Now I am the only one here. It’s dark out, and it’s getting cold out. I couldn’t leave earlier, because there’s too much work to do! I’m not talking about tasks that I have to complete before I can get paid. I am talking about my mission on earth. There is just so much to do.

I took the past five days off to go to see my family in Georgia. It was wonderful not to talk about work, but to just be around my family. They don’t expect me to do anything but be me. I could be relax and be content doing nothing. Now that I am home, I am overwhelmed by how much needs to be done.