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“I am a competitive person.” I’ve heard this statement in conversations with other adults ever since I graduated college. Now I don’t mean I’ve heard this phrase a few times–I hear it ALL THE TIME. Maybe not as much as people talk about the weather, but people talk about their competitiveness way to much. This has given me many years to try to sort out the social circus that surrounds this linguistic phenomenon:

1. Nobody will challenge your claim. Think back…has anyone ever challenged someone’s declaration that he or she is a competitive person? No! You are permitted to announce this fact to a group and quickly move on to your example of competitiveness. This bothers me.

You could never introduce a story by saying, “I am a really good looking person…” or “I am a really smart person…” because people would stop you right there. Apparently being competitive is abstract and not instantly verifiable. After the tale of competitiveness, the self-proclaimed competitor treks back to his cubicle believing that people actually agreed with them, when in reality, the listeners were bored out of their mind and too uninterested to evaluate the evidence. Again, this bothers me because it dilutes authentic competition.

You never declare that you are a competitive person when you are actually in a competition. Everyone with two eyes to see understands that Steve Nash is a competitive person. This leads me to believe that the people who yak about being competitive are sitting the bench in the game of life.

2. “Competitive” is an award we only give ourselves. It’s as if Steve Jobs built a Technology Hall of Fame and then inducted the iPod. Isn’t it someone else’s job to notice your greatness? That is the essence of greatness: friends and enemies are left in awe of your worth.

I could be wrong here. Maybe moms describe their kids as “competitive” to explain away their child’s rib-cracking aggression on the soccer field to the other moms sitting in the bleachers. But in the world of adults, you never announce a peer’s competitiveness. It’s a blue ribbon we fix to our own chests.

3. People only declare they are competitive when it involves conquering someone else. It’s always a tale of proving superiority over a defined opponent, in a win-lose situation. I’ve never heard someone tell a competitive story that ended with win-win. Nor have I heard anyone illustrate their competitiveness and when the end result is losing to someone else. But true competitors step into the ring knowing they can step out defeated.

4. Why don’t people ever compete with themselves? The most competitive people that I know understood long ago that their greatest opponent is yourself. Why don’t you tell stories about when you were your only opponent and you triumphed over weakness? Maybe I’ll do it. I’ll practice here:

“I became bored with work by 2 in the afternoon. But I’m a competitive person, so I overcame indifference by taking 10 minutes to remind myself why I do what I do. I listed all the good things about what would come of my afternoon’s effort. Then I made to-do list and stuck to it. By five o’clock when it was time to go home, I had so much momentum that I stayed at work until six.”

I know that if I said that during story time, it’d sound awkward and the audience would get uncomfortable. It is so different than things we would normally say, people would think I was trying out a new type of bragging. Or a subtle way to indite someone on their own laziness at the job.

Summary:

I don’t know, maybe adults go around reminding people they’re competitive because we’re all working in this Information Age, and we don’t have a scoreboard and statisticians recording our ability to conquer opponents. Who knows?

Regardless of why people won’t shut up, I have come to understand that the declaration of “I am competitive” has no correlation to whether that person is in fact competitive. It’s something that adults say to boost their appeal to others. It takes the place of more desperate pleas: I’m not a pathetic example of humanity, Don’t count me out, and ultimately, I’m worth mating with.

The problem with the universal desire to be competitive is that it leads humans–mostly males–to spare with one another on a variety of useless activities: drinking games, lawn darts, and jumping from high platforms into a backyard pool. One-up-manship is a fool’s game. You can spend your entire life proving your superiority to random people in insignificant competitions without committing yourself to anything of meaning.

Maybe it’s not all or nothing, but you have to wonder if the world would be a more harmonious if the shuffle-board champion at your corner bar spent his time helping out at homeless shelter instead.

I am ready for life to settle into normalcy after two long road trips. This is what I’ve been up to…

Georgia. Our staff went on a retreat at Covecrest. While I was in Georgia on a staff retreat, I got a text message from Candyce that Marion and Banks were being traded to Miami for Shaq. I was in disbelief. I thought she was kidding. A bizarre joke. Then Greg rushed across the room and confirmed it. I wanted to be back and Phoenix to run my mouth with other Suns fans.

It was fun to spend the week with Mom and Dad. I love them so much.

Ohio. I spoke in front of 4 different groups in and around Cleveland. Most people I know don’t like the idea of spending time with junior high kids because of bad experience they had when they there.

This is exactly why I jump at the opportunity to stand in front of 6th, 7th, and 8th graders–because it sucks to be that age. It’s stupid for me to sit in the comfort of my 20s with a solid self-esteem and leave the next generation to fend for themselves. Seriously, what could be better than re-assuring a fragile 6th grade girl?

In between each talk was an hour-long car trip in a massive snow storm with 40 mph winds. It dropped to 6 degrees outside before it was time to eat dinner. Everyone apologized to me as if I was judging Cleveland as a horrible place to live, but the reality is that I love this stuff. If your city has adventure, then it’s a good place.

Speaking of adventure, Jessica and I spent an afternoon at the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. I have a feeling I’ll write more about it later (about the state of music), but it’s too much to start right now. I’m just happy that our plane made it out of Cleveland. Now I’m here in lovely Phoenix happy to be back with Candyce.

First of all, congrats to the New York Giants for beating the unbeatable New England Patriots. I almost feel bad for Tom Brady, but not really…

Tom Brady’s name is already chiseled in the NFL record books, with or without an undefeated season credited to his arm. The Hall of Fame will reveal he’s already directed three Super Bowl victories before he turned 30. But if Brady wants to become a real NFL war hero, he needs a enemy. Nothing could add more drama than a pair of gun slinging brothers: Eli Manning and Payton Manning. Sports writers and historians are going to have a lot of fun writing this story over and over again.

Payton looks to Eli in the stands and chuckles at his chance to fulfill their childhood fantasy of clubbing Terry Bradshaw in the head with a trophy.

Second, the world should know that the NFL played tricks with the cameras last night. As the game was beginning, they showed an aerial shot of the setting sun igniting the sky behind the distant mountains west of Phoenix. My pride in our city’s natural beauty was interrupted by reality: I looked out the window and saw the sun low in the sky peaking through the clouds, but it was no where near the horizon. We had another hour or so before the sun would set. If anything, the sun would set first in our part of town, even if by just a few seconds.

I pointed out this inconsistency to the crowd in the room. Neil explained that it was cloudy, and maybe it messed with the cameras on the blimp or something. Soon it was time to watch the game, and we all forgot about it. We continued eating nachos.

Then later in the 2nd quarter we had a second aerial shot of the stadium, except this time the stadium was a beacon of light in the dark of the night. I looked out the window, and the street lights hadn’t even flickered on yet. What’s the deal? The consensus in the room was that the NFL grabbed the sunset and city light shots on Saturday night. My guess was that the NFL sped-up the setting sun to make the fans in New York and Boston feel less disoriented by spinning earth. They needed to know that their boys were close to home.

I know that people will act like they already knew that camera crews mess with the space-time-continuum all the time, but who really knows that? The facts of Fox’s “creative editing” of the Super Bowl footage is as new to me as it is to everyone else.

On a final note, this game will complicate the politics at the ESPN office. Their headquarters in Bristol, Connecticut, is 2 hours and 10 minutes from both New York City and Boston. I expect that it’ll be an intense day at the office.

The Super Bowl is tomorrow and it’s here in Arizona. There’s so much hype and excitement in the city it’s hard to avoid. I’ve flown quite a bit in the past several months, and the airport shops in Phoenix Sky Harbor are loaded with Super Bowl merchandise. Although I was a little confused at first, I’m excited about the unconventional colors used in the logo. I mean really: red, turquoise, and blue?

Let’s try to figure out what they’re going for here. The red looks like “Sedona red” that dominates the Diamond Backs new uniforms that came out last season. Before they upgraded their uniforms, the Diamondbacks’ were covered with turquoise, copper, black and purple since the team started in 1995.

Teal and purple were vaguely fashionable in 1995, but I suspect that the primary reason they were chosen is because they’re Arizona colors. Really, when you think of it, it’s rare that a state in the US has loyalty to colors that doesn’t already stem from their big universities. It’s because Arizona is a geological freak show that makes for good postcards.

Exhibit A: The Arizona Dbacks Debuted Sedona Red last season.

Here’s a summary of our indigenous colors:

1. Earth Tones because there’s a lot of earth here.
2. Copper because you’ll find it in the earth.
3. Turquoise because you’ll find it in the earth.
4. Purple because it pairs well with turquoise and teal since the early 1990s. It’s an adopted color that the state loves like it’s own.
5. Red because of the rock formations through the state, especially in Sedona and the Grand Canyon.
6. Oranges because we grow a lot of citrus, and the sun is pretty bright here.

So I’m guessing that the designer of the Super Bowl logo picked from this list (#3 and #5) and then threw in the spots of blue to make merchandise easier to sell to NFL fans.

First, the good news: Hummer is making an H3 Truck. Now the bad news: it’s not as cool as the concept.

H3T Concept: Looks great on the moon and in your driveway.

The sweet chrome around the windshield is gone, as is the titanium-looking rocker panels are blacked out. Although the small cab looked cool, the quad-cab will be practical.

The H2 SUT was the H2 with the back notched with a small truck bed.
But the H3 Truck has a long wheel base to make room for a useful truck bed.

Notice the dirt bike wheel clamp in the front of the bed. I say it’s time for Hummer to sponsor the X-Games.

Customize the H3T?

I know that car guys get all worked up when it comes to customizing trucks and SUVs. They argue that these are rugged vehicles that help men explore jungles and mountains. It’s a violation to the species if you tame a wolf to become a house dog.

I understand why purists think the way they do, but I don’t agree with them anymore. The reality is that most people don’t have enough money to buy a new vehicle like the H3T and then use it exclusively off road. He needs it to run errands, haul furniture, and pick up a friend to go to a movie. This is how real people live in the real world. It’s not a sin to buy a Hummer and then keep it on paved streets.

Here’s the deal: the world is ready for a new breed of custom cars. I don’t need to see another ’32 Ford, another suped-up Japanese racer, or a million-dollar muscle car. It’s all been done. Imagine a tough, menacing SUVs creepin’ low through town. Urban warriors.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, look at Dwayne Wade’s H2 Truck that earned the the “King of Bling” at GM’s annual competition. The most noticeable change to his truck are the massive 30″ inch rims. Can it go off road? No. Does it look cool? Yes. That’s enough for me.

Baller!

Summary: It’s time for someone to start dreaming about what they’re going to do to the Hummer H3 Truck. There’s no shame in it.