Supafly.com

The Smart car is finally in the US! I’ve followed this little car since I first saw it eight years ago on the narrow streets of Rome. I learned from an the Italians that it was a collaborate project from Mercedes Benz and Swatch, the fabulous watchmaker known in the US for its vibrantly styled wristwatches in the mid 1980s.

I was seven years old when the Swatch watch craze shook up my hometown. In hindsight, my fascination with those brightly colored watches hinted to my future career in design. It sounds a little silly, but I had a “designer’s crush” on those watches. I was fascinated with every detail…I couldn’t get enough. I could stand and stare at those watches for hours. (I particularly loved the watches with the graffiti-influenced characters by second-wave pop artist Keith Haring, whose influence you can see in my work today.)

A few years ago I was listening to an NPR story celebrating BB King’s 80th birthday. There’s a point in the story where BB King describes the joy of putting on a set of new guitar strings:

“That’s the time when I am so motivated, when the strings sound fresh. The tone is–I don’t know the word–but it’s so pleasing to my ears.”

If you listen to the story, you can hear the passion in his voice as he closes the sentence. He’s a musician and I’m a designer, but we both know what it’s like to be hypnotized by what is inherently beautiful. And when I first spotted the Smart car parked on a cobblestone street in an ancient alley in Rome, I knew I was looking at something special.

So you can understand why I’m so excited that the Smart car is now in America. There’s a dealership not far from my house, so I’ve seen many of these cars zipping around streets and through the neighborhoods. It looks like everyone is having fun, but I had to do some research to see if the car has what it takes to compete with traditional cars…

The Bad

Writer Eric A. Taub offered convincing review of the Smart Fortwo Passion in The New York Times. You can read the full review on NYTimes.com, but here are my favorites parts:

Uncanny good looks:

“…its shape and colors draws admirers as if it were the latest gadget from Apple.”

Bad handling:

“Rounding curves on city streets, the body roll was pronounced, causing a friend to reflexively grab the dash. When accelerating, the dreadful 5-speed automated manual transmission shifts awkwardly and slowly. It may be enough to make you reach for the Dramamine: the engine temporarily slows as the car is about to upshift, jerking the driver forward and then back with each shift. Several times, my wife threatened to walk home.”

Underwhelming gas mileage:

“In the mileage department, the Smart also failed to live up to expectations. Even with its tiny engine, the two tankfuls of gas consumed while I had the car worked out to readings of only 30 and 34 miles a gallon. That was less than the 36 m.p.g. E.P.A. rating for combined city/highway driving, and certainly not “amazing” as Smart’s press materials proclaim.”

The Good

All that bad news is enough to discourage buyers. But I read some good news on Autoblog.com this morning:

IIHS President, Adrian Lund, made it clear that normally bigger and heavier vehicles are the safer choice, “but among the smallest cars, the engineers of the Smart did their homework and designed a high level of safety into a very small package.”

I found it amusing that the car even looks cute when it’s getting smashed up, almost like bad guy that you just killed on Super Mario Brothers. I almost expect the car to flicker a few times and then disappear…

The following blog is rated PG-13 for a comedic response to adult themes.

Are you ready for some pop culture irony? All I need you to do is actually click on the links and listen to the music, otherwise, reading this is a waste of time.

Listen to Usher’s “Love in this Club” (2008)

Actually, it’s probably not necessary that you click that link because the song is already playing as you these letters on my website. Statistically, you’ve already heard this song three times before lunch. Every radio station is playing the song every seven minutes without any hesitation. This is notable because the lyrics leave no room for misinterpretation: “I wanna make love in this club…on the couch, on the table, on the bar, or on the floor…I wanna make love in this club.”

How can radio stations play a song this explicit without making people mad? For listeners, even the most vigilant parents are hypnotized by the prettiness. Even cautious radio program directors who live in fear of the FCC put the song in heavy rotation because it subconsciously reminds them of going to prom in the 1980s when life was simple and innocent, when they were forever young.

Listen to Alphaville’s “Forever Young” (1984)

- or for some more fun, watch their video on YouTube -

Watch Alphaville’s “Forever Young” (1984)

If you weren’t around in 1984, “Forever Young” is the song that first played at the school dance in the movie Napoleon Dynamite. The dreamy layers of synthesizers added the atmosphere that made that scene so memorable.

“I like your sleeves.”

I’m not arguing that Usher is doing a cover of Alphaville. There are notable differences in the two songs, the most obvious being that Usher’s song is better. Less subjective differences are as follows:

1. Usher is cool and Alphaville is not
2. Usher lays on a heavy hip hop beat where there was none
3. Alphaville used odd trumpets in the bridge, Usher selected the wheezy Young Jeezy to articulate what Usher really means to “make love in this club” (Probably to keep the song from sounding too pretty.)

In the end, the greatest similarity between the two songs is that these song will continue to play at school dances for the next few decades.

Here’s some more fun with decades:

Listen to Lil Wayne’s “I’m Me” (2008)

Listen to Moby’s “God Moving Over the Face of Waters” (1995) (The similarities start 45 seconds into the song.)

Like Usher, Lil Wayne grabbed the vibe of his song from someone else. Unlike Usher, Lil Wayne thought it’d be cool to make bird sounds in the first 10 seconds of his song.

Historically, these similarities won’t be worth recording in the story of hip hop. But it’s clear that the authentic hip hop formula of MC + DJ = Hip Hop is long gone. This is a music business, and the natural selection of the biz defines that biggest hip hop hits are made from notorious MCs that narrate a hip hop beat driving over a diverse collage of pop music, whether its 1980s New Wave or 1990s techno.

Yes. Hip hop is pop music.

There are some TV shows that you can watch without any explanation or disclaimer: Law & Order, Lost, or The Wire. Other shows require a brief introduction before you bring them up in conversation because you fear that people will judge you as shallow, stupid, or easily amused: The Real World, The Hills, The Real World.

As the title of this blog suggests, I’d like to talk about The Hills. Here’s my introduction:

“My wife’s sister goes to ASU. She’s busy studying and doesn’t have Tivo, so she records The Hills at my house. On Saturdays I’ll be in the kitchen remodeling while she’s in the living room watching The Hills…”

You get the idea.

Now I would like to offer some tips to all the young ladies how to be cute like Lauren, Audrina, and and Whitney. These 6 simple techniques will add a splash of cuteness to everyday life.

1. Dancing

When you are dancing, it’s critical that you dance with your arms above your head. Dancing with arms below the head can not pass as cute. Dancing is not limited to night clubs. If you want to communicate that you are having fun and you only have a few seconds to work with, lift your arms above your head. Smile. Rock and spin your hips.

Diagram 1a: Above head= cute

2. Conversing

At no point in your day are you allowed to speak to another with out touching your hair, face, earring, or necklace. Although there are many options for fiddling with your hair, it is best to adjust your bangs away from your face. Avoid tucking hair behind your ear. Although this will prevent your hair from flopping in front of your face, you’ll also rob yourself of the next chance to look cute by adjusting your hair.

Diagram 02a: In this rare scene, all three people adjust their hair. Lauren (top), JustinBobby (bottom left) and Audrina (bottom right)

Diagram 2b: Audrina knows how to be cute, especially when she’s on a date with a moron on a motorcycle. Clockwise from the top: Adjusting an ear ring, lifting her bangs, listening (see number 04), and twiddling of hair.

Diagram 2c: Below, Heidi and Audrina, adjusting their hair while taking turns talking…

Notice the subtitle read: “To hang out. Kind of stuff like that.”

3. Vocabulary

It is not necessary to use a variety of words to describe anything. (See above.)

4. Listening

If you are waiting for your turn to talk, continue adjusting your hair (see diagram 2c). But if it i clear that you will not be speaking anytime soon (herein defined as listening), it is best to adjust your hands accordingly: place your hand beneath your chin away from your hair.

Diagram 4a: Lauren’s trademark listening gesture…

The most glamorous way to listen is to make the shape of an “L” with your thumb and forefinger (think “Loser”). Now prop your chin on the thumb and press your finger against the side of your face. Occasionally nod your head and smile. This will give the perception that you are fascinated.

04. Not Listening

“Not listening” is a bold gesture used to signal to be used sparingly. Prop your elbow on the table and relax your fingers; they will naturally curl into a loose fist. Now rotate your fist back to expose the inside of your wrist. Avoid eye contact with the talker, and look around the room in search of something more interesting. This position is best used to communicate that you are uninterested in the conversation about Spencer.

05. Pronunciation

Words like “to” and “you” and “cute” should not be pronounced too and yoo and cyoot. That was so last millennium. Instead, aim for “yow” and “tow” and “cyowt.” Give it a lift as you are finishing the word, almost as if you were running out of breath. You might think this sounds odd, and it will, but it is cute. Cyowt.

06. Flirting.

Like any other conversation, it is important play with your hair. But flirting requires more attention to the details. First, position your body away from the boy that you like. Next, tilt your head to the side. Now rotate your eyes towards your boy and flick your eyes wider. Repeat if necessary.

While flirting with Steven from High School, she played with her necklace (left), then continued with her hair (center, right). Cyowt!

Summary:

So girls, there you have it! Tune into The Hills on MTV for how-to videos.

For all of you guys out there, I don’t have much advice for you. To grab the attention of the girls from The Hills, I’ve found no evidence that you must do anything right (see Brody, Spencer, and JustinBobby.) But I will warn you that adopting the persona of any male from that show will not increase your probability of impressing females. That stuff only works on TV. In real life, you need to be intelligent, charming, and responsible.