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So tomorrow is New Year’s Eve and I can confidently say that I accomplished every one of my New Year’s resolutions. I don’t want to go into detail about each resolution, but I do want to share about the dedication and drive that it took to accomplish these goals.

Before I move forward, I feel like I need to give some context here. I was raised on a farm and I know what it means to work hard. Those formative years set a high standard for myself that has never wavered; I have always worked hard at home, school, or at work. For me, working hard and with passion brings elevated meaning to even the most ordinary tasks. Anyone who knows me will be quick to tell you that I work with purpose and fervor. This will never change.

But what set 2009 apart from each previous year of hard work was that I was more deliberate with managing the twelve months of the year and the five days in a workweek. In short, I always began with the end in mind. I was focused on short- and long-term goals through each day of the past 364 days of this year. It was my most masterfully executed calendar year since graduating college. This allowed me to accomplish each of my New Year’s resolutions plus my massive professional workload.

So was all that work worth it? I guess that’s the big question that deep down I want to find an answer for and why I’m writing about the subject. If all I wanted to do was to publish my accomplishments this year, it would be simple enough to copy and paste all of my completed to-do lists from the year. But at the moment I am heavy with exhaustion that’s entirely unpleasant. I’m burned out. It is hard to know if it was worth it.

Here are my thoughts:

1. I doubt that everyone on my team at work appreciates what I’ve given to our organization over the past twelve months. That’s okay, because everyone was busy with their own work and they didn’t have the time to stop and appreciate my effort. As with most things in life, I will just have to be patient to see the impact of my labor. The reward won’t come with a bonus (we don’t have bonuses) or a promotion (we don’t have promotions), but with seeing our ministry grow and excel.
2. Part of the reason I worked so hard this year was because I wanted to see if I could do it. I know that the professional athletes that I most admire succeed because of their legendary effort, and I wanted to see if I could apply the same drive to my own life. I can say without a doubt that I gave legendary effort in 2009. Unlike professional athletes—however–I have no post-season where my team enters the playoffs and primed to dominate other teams. There is no deciding game where the victors hold the championship trophy high above their heads. Nobody gets the MVP trophy in my world. This kinda sucks.
3. Working so hard can make you self-absorbed. I started to think that the only thing that mattered on this planet is the stuff that I had to get done. It was hard to spontaneously make time to help friends when my schedule was packed so tightly. Plus when you’re consumed with ambition for twelve straight months, you don’t have much to talk about other than the stuff you’re doing. I wonder if I was a bore to listen to for a whole year.
4. It’s hard to live in the moment. One example that comes to mind was when Candyce drove me to the airport. I had just finished my midterm at school the night before and was soon going out of town for a long weekend. I knew that as soon as I returned, I would be preparing for class assignments for another five days straight. So that 20-minute drive to the airport should’ve been spent just enjoying the company of my kind and beautiful wife. But instead I was completely consumed with the next seven days. I got on the airplane feeling lonely and unfulfilled.
5. Let there be no confusion here: getting a master’s degree while still working full time is difficult for anyone, but especially for a married man with a family. I know that many people have done it before me, so I try not to get too intimidated by the insane amount of work I have to do each day. But I’ve learned that an overbooked lifestyle starts to make you feel like someone else is running your life. It’s ironic, isn’t it? I started this whole thing so that I could get my control over my future.

So there you have it—a blog update from an exhausted man after a long year of hard work. I would like to come up with a clever way to pull this whole thing together, but I’m out of energy. The end.

Here are some interesting photos I snapped through the window of our airplane. You can see the different textures on the earth over 400 miles.