“What you are going through reminds me of St. Francis. He would retreat into the woods for prayer and quiet time with God.  That’s like when you do your Life Teen talks; you get spiritually charged. Then he would come back into Assisi and people would expect him to still be the playboy. His friends were partying away, banging through the streets and alleys of the town. That’s just like when you come back to New York, and all your crew is in the clubs. He was there, but couldn’t experience like they did…he had experienced something much deeper and real. They continue because they’ve not seen the Light.” (Matt M. shared, after a long talk after a long night in the city.)

I like going to clubs in New York. There is such a concentrated feeling of “cool,” it is really unbelievable. It is unbelievable because it is not real. It is a clubhouse that only lets in an elite few, usually based on your appearance, perceived wealth and power–how well you add to the club. But you know if someone were really that important, that cool, they would be doing something more important and cool: in the studio painting, recording, dancing, acting, writing, etc. They (I) would be making something happen, rather than just be at a place that is happening.

(Am breaking this apart to much? I am a good boy, and have a good time.)

Just like St. Francis brought his “day in the woods” to his “night in Assisi,” I talk freely about my morals and relationship with God everywhere I go. I can’t help it, God is too real to me, and He is especially real when I am surrounded by the unreality of the New York City nightlife.

One goal of this summer was to exhaust the nightlife out of my fascination. Coming from a small town with a limited palette of experiences, I’ve always been fascinated by the bigger and better. I’ve been going to clubs since I was sixteen years old…Athens, Atlanta, Los Angeles, New Orleans, New York. Now, I am about to get a real job where people depend on me. I am to that point where the nightlife doesn’t fascinate me anymore.; I am nearly twenty-three now, and it is time to move on.

But since I have another week in New York, I’ll be shakin’ my bon bon every night this week. Uh huh, yeah. (As my buddy Biggy said.)

:::

–who am I kidding? Where am I going with this journal? I think I tidied it up way before I could be totally honest. In two weeks, I am gonna be at every club in Phoenix/Mesa/Scottsdale. Maybe it is something in my blood. I am not tired of it. Livin’ la vida loca. I bang.