I am more at peace now that the whole Real World thing has smoothed out. I put a lot of pressure on myself during and after the show to do the right thing and to make something happen. I was in a tizzy trying not to screw the whole thing up. It’s been a long few years.

We lived in a house that was a televisions studio. We woke up each morning knowing our day would become entertainment for thirteen to thirty-five year olds. For better not worse, all that is done now. The episodes will continue to rerun, and I can relive the success of five months of my life.

But the reality of my life is what I do each day, not what I did.

“The race is long, and in the end, it is only with yourself.” I’ve written another journal entry about those words of wisdom. When we get stuck in cliques, rivalry is the only way to announce yourself to your small world.

In the bustle and glitz of the Real World experience, I felt frustrated because so much of me was wasting away. I am a designer and a painter a writer. –But that doesn’t matter now. Smile for the camera.

I was flying to Philadelphia my freshman year of college and read an article about Tony Bennett. I’d been a big fan of Tony, and was interested to learn more about the guy. He spoke about being an entertainer, but all he wanted to talk about was being painting. His work was colorful and expressive.