I called Candyce in California tonight to talk about our future as a couple. I told her that I like her a lot, and I want to keep taking it a day at a time. She knew what I meant. I knew that she knew it.

I’ve learned not to talk about “marriage” around a woman unless you are ready to marry her. Women are wiser and they think ahead. She has plans for the next four years, and a few careless words out of my mouth can be as good as a proposal. I don’t want to promise her a future I can’t give her.

I would be lying if I said I was being cautious only to protect her.

The fire crackled and I starred at the ceiling in the dark den. After a long pause, I pulled the phone closer and said, “I am afraid of normalcy. I have an unconventional life, and I like it that way.” She quickly said, “Matt, your life will never be average. Nothing you do is average.”

I now marriage doesn’t mean life gets boring. My whole life, I’ve been looking forward to marriage. And now…the puzzle pieces fit. Oh wait. Oh wow. Candyce is wonderful. Wonderful! She will always be wonderful, no matter what age she is, no matter what age I am.; Why do I hesitate?

What’s wrong with me? I’ve asked myself that for several months, and I think it’s a combination of a few things:

  1. I am an ass. I am stubborn, but in secretive ways so nobody notices. Yeah, I will give in and see a chic-flick even when I want to see an action-adventure movie. I am not afraid of change, and make a habit of taking chances. It’s not big deal to go on another reality show, but planning a life together is serious business. I want to keep living a kick-butt life, and I don’t want marriage to tame me. I am an ass.
  2. I am wise. Candyce I still young and not through with college. I need to focus on using my 15 minutes of fame while I still have it. I am booked to speak through 2004 and into 2005, and I will be gone a lot.

  3. I am clueless. I am pragmatic and logical, but love and romance don’t work that way. I make lists when I should be making romance.