I don’t write about this very much, but damnit I have to do this. Here is my top five dumbass things people say to me:

5. Said with sarcasm: “Omigosh! Oh look, it’s Matt Smith! You are so cool! Whatever.” (Why would you say this? Either you are excited to see me or you aren’t.; I was excited to meet you, but now I’m not. There are people who are genuinely excited to meet me, so don’t stand here and make fun of them. You are ruining everything because you are a dumbass.)

4. People in the group have been saying my name over and over, but still someone blurts out: “What was your name?” (They are excited to look cooler than everyone as if they are above the enthusiasm. So I take one step above, and kindly introduce myself, then ask for their name. They quickly feel like the dumbass they are.)

3. Said because he didn’t have anything else to say: “Did you screw a lot of girls?” (I usually respond with shock, pause, then ask if he could repeat himself, as if I couldn’t believe he said it. If he seems like he should know better, I tell him that’s such a shallow thing to ask. Then I explain that you shouldn’t do something just because you can. If he’s a self-serving bastard who is just trying to impress his friends, I tell him I went on the show to screw girls, like his sister. It’s been great.)

2. Said like they are confused about what the big deal is: “I’m sorry, what show were you on?” (Do you mean to tell me you sat through my hour-long talk, waited in line for another half hour, and you missed the fact that I was on The Real World? I used to kindly explain to them the premise of the show, with compassion they’ve obviously not shown me. Now I just ignore them as if I didn’t hear what they said. They are left looking dumb.)

1. Said to put me in my place: “Your are just like everyone else!” (Actually no, I am not. Because anyone else in my position would not put up with your dumbass. They would be talking to the somebody hotter.)

I guess that’s what it comes down to–I am not here to deal with your insecurities. Don’t shove all your issues on me because you feel threatened or insecure. I don’t have time to sift through this b.s. so you can feel cool. You obviously don’t know who I am or what I am about. I just want to do good.

You know what, I guess I am here to deal with their insecurities. That’s one thing youth ministers do. On Sunday night at church, I help a lot of people with insecurities. They aren’t out to get me, so it’s easier to help them. But some teenagers never have anyone love them, so they spend years trying to arm themselves with arrogance and ego (see items 1-5). That doesn’t make anything right.

Well this sucks. I enjoyed fighting fire with fire. Now it looks like I’m going to have to start being more understanding.

:::

Oh wait, I forgot the most irritating thing people say to me: when they play off the name real world.; I hear this ALL THE TIME. Once somebody put to toddlers in my lap and yelled, welcome to the real world! The table of people a laughed forever, and I am left sitting there, trying to laugh along like this was the first time someone had been so clever as to welcome me to the real world. I usually do out-laugh them, because I think of all the dumbass people who’ve said the same thing. That’s funny.