I am really struggling to find out what God is doing in my life. I don’t know when Version2 of LifeTeen.com will be done. It’s out of my hands. This devastates me to the core.

God, where are you in this?

I talked to Paul George about this last weekend on the retreat. Paul has a deep, admirable faith. He said, “It might not be his plan. Just because something happens doesn’t mean it’s God’s will.” I’ve always known this. I guess in my frustration, I am left trying to find any explanation at all.

I can’t reduce God to being solely logical, but I am trying to logically sort this out. I’ve spent months and months thinking and praying about whether the site was my ambition dressed up as God’s will. I keep on coming back to the same thing: I am certain that this site will be an an instrument of God’s peace. It’s as logical as building a bridge over a river to join to roads. But it’s not finished, and everyone keeps driving into the river and they drown.

Forget the “Christian fluff about miracles I can’t see and God’s plan isn’t always your plan. Where is the divine intervention? Where are God’s miracles? Where?

Last night I was lying in the tent asking God to help me understand. Is there a lesson that I refuse to see? Am I foolish and stubborn? I didn’t get an answer last night.

I didn’t get an answer last fall when I was on ‘The Road Rules Challenge’. We didn’t have enough money, and because of that there was no new LifeTeen.com to welcome in the millions of viewers. How terrible is that?

I want a miracle. I want to see something happen that I don’t have to tirelessly assemble. I want someone to say, “Great job, Matt” and I confess to them, “This truly was a miracle. God has done amazing things. The Holy Spirit blew us all away.” I want to be in awe of God’s faithfulness.