I had a really hard heart today. We are choosing a new company to work on the new version of lifeteen.com, and we have to be cautious and thorough every step of the way. So I spent most of today tallying up all the problems we had with the last; company. I started with one paragraph and I kept going for ten pages.

It was such a yucky feeling, like I was writing about the problems I had with an ex-girlfriend. I am getting tired of stirring up old emotions and frustrations. I just want to be done with this part of my life and move onto something greater.

By mid-afternoon I was pretty much a wreck. I was a stressed-out and carnky. I just wasn’t smooth at all. I prayed that I would calm down and then I put on love songs from the 80s. It’s hard to take yourself too seriously when you are listening to music that cheesy. It was just what I needed.

Tonight I went to Life Teen’s House of Prayer. Two young women live in the house; and they pray all day for Life Teen. That’s their job. There were a dozen young adults there for the evening in a prayer meeting. We mostly just sang songs, but in the silence people would read something from the Bible, or just say something cool: From the heart of a faithful son comes life-giving water.

I think this means that if we serve God, our service will bring life to those around us.
I needed to hear this, because I am always setting out on a new adventure in serving God. With every dream, I have to figure out if it’s just my ambition, or if it is truly God’s will. (A lot of this is because I want to marry Candyce.)

I’m not sure how God tells me what to do. For some folks, they get a deep gut feeling. Or they pray a lot about it and their heart starts burning. I’m wired differently: I just think a lot. That’s all I do. I’ve been like that my whole life, and I have to trust that God is going to work with me just as I am. And I have to trust that if I am praying and trying to love God, then He’ll give me the right thoughts that will lead me down the right path.

My Grampa is a real faith-filled guy. He’s been in charismatic prayer groups since he was young. He laughs about how everyone in his old prayer groups never made decisions, but God always “lead them to do it.” Grampa told me that you make decisions, and God works with you from there.

Candyce comes back to Phoenix tomorrow night because school is about to start. She smooths me out because my heart pumps harder than my brain.