Today I did the dumbest thing at the mall. I was at American Eagle and I just got done telling the counter girl that American Eagle gave us free clothes on the “Road Rules Challenge.” Part of the reason I told her was because I figure it would make her day at work a little more interesting, but I mostly said it to show off.

I was showing off because I was feeling insecure because there were all these Catholic school girls walking around the mall. I know they go to Xavier, and I’ve spoken at there school a couple times in the past few years. As each group of plaid skirts came close, I felt obligated to say hi and reintroduce myself, like an old friend whose lost touch. But I got scared because what if I said something to them, and they weren’t at the school when I gave a talk? Then I’d look like a weirdo out of college who hangs out at the mall to hit on Catholic school girls.

To avoid the awkwardness, I ducked in American Eagle to look at pants. I bought them then bragged about being on MTV. All the workers were smiley because we all felt cool. I grabbed my bag then spun to walk away. I slammed into a sunglasses display. I didn’t bump into it–I nearly flipped the thing over. The sunglasses clanged and clattered and the whole store stared at me.

“Tell everyone you know that an idiot from MTV came in here and made a fool of himself. Tell them how uncool I am.” They all laughed, and I walked out the door trying to be uncool. Or cool. I can’t remember.