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Leg #1: Phoenix >> Chicago >> Pittsburgh >> Steubenville
Leg #2: Steubenville >> Pittsburgh >> Charlotte >> Phoenix >> San Diego
Leg #3: San Diego >> almost Huntsville then Knoxville >> Atlanta >> Tiger
Leg #4: Tiger >> Atlanta >> Fort Meyers >> Ave Maria
Leg #5: Ave Maria >> Fort Meyers >> Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta >> Phoenix

People watching at Chicago O’Hare Airport

Getting up at 4am is not fun. The body is confused by three competing sensations: exhaustion, adrenaline, and anxiety. But somehow it’s a beautiful moment when you realize somebody loves you enough to wake up with you and drive you to the airport. I kissed Candyce goodbye at the curb. Two hours later, I was asleep on the plane to Chicago.

What do you do with four hours to kill in Chicago? People watch. Unlike like your local mall, you can gaze upon the hordes at the airport without feeling like a creep. While observing the foot-traffic patterns for a couple hours, I’ve developed two rules worth making into laws:

1. Walk fast or get out of the way. You may have some time to kill waiting for your flight, but most people do not. Nine out of ten people in an airport are zooming through the airport so they can catch a close flight. And that flight means a lot: there are loved ones and big business deals waiting at their final destinations. So save your leisurely stroll for your neighborhood sidewalks! If you are a chaperon of a group on a summer trip and you have to stop and regather, do it away from the lanes of hurried travelers. This common sense understanding of the reality of airport will save you from getting yelled at or punched in the face.
2. Do not walk and eat at the same time. This is not as civic-minded as the first rule; I just don’t like watching people who do this. Let’s break this down. If you are in a hurry and you are walking, you have an air of importance because you are alert and on a mission. I’m okay with this. Eating is an occasion for romance and friendship, and an opportunity to delight in a chef’s handiwork. I’m okay with this too. But when you try to walk and eat at the same time, you look unsophisticated and confused by surroundings. This can all be avoided if you get it to go and eat it on the airplane. (Exception to this rule: walking and eating Mentos.)

Buy Upright Roller Luggage with Caution

I think we all have to do our part to add dignity and finesse to the thoroughfares of the modern world. What would we do without young people with scarves zipping around our city streets on Vespa scooters? You all make me smile! My wife likes seeing guys carry bouquets of flowers up staircases because she knows love is in the air. Think about it, every neighborhood coffee shop needs at least one old guy wearing a barrette, and everyone feels safe and happy when cute young moms push baby strollers through neighborhood sidewalks.

This brings me to a modern atrocity known as “upright roller luggage.” But first, let’s review where we’ve been:

1. Grab life buy the handle. You can watch old black and white movies and admire men with hats and suit jackets carrying their luggage by the handle, the same way you’d carry a toolbox or a briefcase. You looked ambitious and ready for new opportunities. The film Catch Me if You Can would not have been the same without several scenes accessorized by handled suitcases.

Leo never looked so good.

As an added bonus, a handled suitcase can be used as a weapon.

2. Luggage on a leash. Using forensic evidence I’ve found at thrift stores from my childhood, somewhere in the 1960s, people’s arms got tired and they invented the first wheeled suitcase. These were hard-shell vinyl suitcases in dazzling colors like harvest gold, avocado green, orange, and occasionally turquoise.

If you are 25 or younger, you’ve probably never seen one of these. Here’s kinda how it worked…imagine lowering your hand-held suitcase onto four wheels and then fastening a short leash to the top front corner. Now drag it behind you like a stiff, reluctant dog. This invention was hardly an accomplishment: it was top heavy and prone to flipping and knocking over children when you made tight turns. Not even lusty retro lovers will buy one of these monstrosities at a yard sale. These are all decaying in American landfills next to first-run lava lamps.

3. Modern pull-behind luggage. This is the most functional type of travel bag you can find. It’s agile and rarely tips over. As an added bonus, you can stuff the bottom of a Starbucks coffee cup in the spot where the collapsed handle fits. And if you are trying to look cool, you will be happy to know that pull behind luggage adds to your swagger in the same way as carrying an umbrella ads to your peppiness. As an added bonus, the durable wheels inherited from Rollerblades glide across the floor with a rhythmic pulse. Humanity wins!

4. Upright rollers. It’s basically a looks just like the modern pull-behind luggage, except it rolls beside you on four wheels. The telescoping handle is used to steer the thing as you go. (Stay tuned for a diagram.)

The problem here is that you just can’t look cool with one of these things. You are as cartoonish as a sprinter running with his hands in his pockets. Or like you are dragging a really heavy purse on the ground next to you. I haven’t seen one tip over yet, but it looks built-to-spill like a waitress who balances a coffee pot on her head. I’m getting mad just writing about it, so I’ll stop here.

Franciscan University of Steubenville Welcomes Matt Smith

I haven’t been on the campus of Franciscan since the summer of 2003. I was happy to see that the dorms have been re-built to look more residential and less institutional (peaked roofs vs. brick boxes.) I enjoyed speaking at the conference and visiting with the students. The coffee shop at the center of campus made for a fun common grounds while the thunderstorms swirled through Ohio.

At the end of the day, I decompressed at the hotel watching jazz ensembles from the 1960s on PBS and Hip Hop v. America: Where Did the Love Go? on BET.

I just got back from a 5-day trip through three events in Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Connecticut. If you count layovers in airports, add Baltimore on the first day and Nashville on the last. Today I spent 11 hours and 20 minutes in cars, airports, and airplanes to cover about 3000 miles. I am tired.

This weekend was an experiment to see if traveling and speaking at events is something that I want to do now that I married. I don’t have an answer to my own question yet.

As I type this, the Suns are in the fourth quarter of a much-anticipated game against the San Antonio Spurs. Candyce was kind enough to begin recording the game for me when I was at 25,000 feet over Amarillo, Texas. I bolted through the airport without glancing left or right at the TV screens in the airport sports bars. I didn’t want to know anything about the game.

While I waited for Candyce to pick me up, I opted to leave the massive crowds inside the airport and stand among a handful of smokers outside, because statistically, there was less chance that I’d overhear someone yapping about the game in progress. I still smell a little smoky, but at least I can enjoy the whole game.

The most authentic and engaging game is one that you watch there in the arena. If you can’t be there (and few of us can afford to), the next best thing is watching a live game with friends in your home or at a sports bar. If that’s not doable, then Tivo is there to save the day. It won’t be live, but it’s the same game. It’s an abstract concept, but what I miss most about watching a the game live is the solidarity of emotion that sweeps across a city with each tick of the game.

I admire a fan who can watch every game live, not because he is morally superior, but because he doesn’t live with the anxiety of an impulsive friend calling me and spoiling the end of the game. So with that, I’m going to turn off my phone and close this computer. It’s time to watch the game.

I am ready for life to settle into normalcy after two long road trips. This is what I’ve been up to…

Georgia. Our staff went on a retreat at Covecrest. While I was in Georgia on a staff retreat, I got a text message from Candyce that Marion and Banks were being traded to Miami for Shaq. I was in disbelief. I thought she was kidding. A bizarre joke. Then Greg rushed across the room and confirmed it. I wanted to be back and Phoenix to run my mouth with other Suns fans.

It was fun to spend the week with Mom and Dad. I love them so much.

Ohio. I spoke in front of 4 different groups in and around Cleveland. Most people I know don’t like the idea of spending time with junior high kids because of bad experience they had when they there.

This is exactly why I jump at the opportunity to stand in front of 6th, 7th, and 8th graders–because it sucks to be that age. It’s stupid for me to sit in the comfort of my 20s with a solid self-esteem and leave the next generation to fend for themselves. Seriously, what could be better than re-assuring a fragile 6th grade girl?

In between each talk was an hour-long car trip in a massive snow storm with 40 mph winds. It dropped to 6 degrees outside before it was time to eat dinner. Everyone apologized to me as if I was judging Cleveland as a horrible place to live, but the reality is that I love this stuff. If your city has adventure, then it’s a good place.

Speaking of adventure, Jessica and I spent an afternoon at the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. I have a feeling I’ll write more about it later (about the state of music), but it’s too much to start right now. I’m just happy that our plane made it out of Cleveland. Now I’m here in lovely Phoenix happy to be back with Candyce.

This morning a few of us went on a sleigh ride. Here are some photos…

Me and Candyce riding in the back of the sleigh.

This horse was huge. It could kick over a house if it felt like it.

L to R: Candyce, Cowhand, Lauryn Oertle, Megan Madigan, Dani Weimen, Kevin Day, the horse

This afternoon Danny  and I found snowshoes in the closet, so we strapped them on and ventured out of the cabin. After about 20 minutes, we had worked up a sweat and the sun was warming up. I lifted my hoody off back and stood there shirtless for about 10 seconds. It felt so good that I tied it around my waist. Danny did the same. We spent the next 45 minutes scooting across the snow-covered valley like a bunch of bareback freaks.

Kevin spotted us from the cabin’s front porch, and he decided he wanted to get in on the fun. Danny went inside and Kevin joined me for a second trip. We explored the building sites for new cabins near the base of the mountain. We rounded the frozen lake and jumped over frozen creeks. We discovered tracks and crap from elk and deer. It was quite an afternoon of adventure.

Last night I had a dream that all adults were required to take the SAT again. The problem was that none of the test questions were visible on the page. The pages kept changing colors and sizes, so every time I looked back to the sheet of questions, it looked nothing like it did before. Plus, there were random items that ended up on my desk, objects that apparently related to this new exciting version of the SAT. There were 3 black socks, an avocado, and a photo of Ralph Machio from The Karate Kid.

There was a professor in the room who paced back and forth with excitement as I sat there trying to figure out what to do with my avocado. Some grownups started chatting away in the corner about how ridiculous this whole ordeal was, and they were violently yanked from their desks and dragged out of the testing room by police officers.

I was so happy when I woke up to realize I’m actually here in the White Mountains of Eastern Arizona. I’m a grown man who’s married and spending a weekend with his homies. I peeked through the blinds to see that the sun was getting ready to rise, so I scrambled downstairs to see if I could see some wildlife in the early morning. I got hooked on looking for wildlife in the early morning last summer at Yosemite when I was rewarded with bobcat, a coyote, and a bunch of deer. I never knew it was so much to be the star in my own Discovery Channel TV show.

So I fumbled down the stairs to catch the show. I built a fire in the fireplace and made some coffee so my homies will l have something fun to wake up to. Now I’m here typing because I think it’s too damn cold out there even for the animals. They still lounging in their animal houses up in the woods. There’s about ten inches of snow on the ground outside, and the snow drifts on the front porch are two feet deep. It’s fun looking at the snow, but it’s like staring at the same painting for an hour. You just get bored.

:::

High Mountain Rangers

1988 was a good year for me. I was nine years old and my family took a trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina to hang out at the beach while staying in a free weekend at a “timeshare”. (Dad described it to me like this: We get to stay here for free as long as me and Mom sit in a three hour meeting where they try to get us to buy this place.) I remember thinking those people were dumb because they obviously didn’t know we were broke. We couldn’t even buy pop tarts, much less a “combo” by the beach.

I was thrilled because we were at the beach and there would be skateboarders there like me, but I was strung out with joy because our condo was on the 10th floor of the building. I’d never stayed in a place that high off the ground before.

The adventures just kept coming. That night Katie, Kristie, and I got to explore all of the TV channels that beach people got to watch, and we came across a show called The High Mountain Rangers. The plot was pretty simple: a dad and his two sons are part of a rescue crew that saves the lives of dumb tourists lost in the snowy mountains. Check out the Show intro High Mountain Rangers on YouTube.

This show made me feel pretty cool because I lived in the mountains too and I was always in the woods. And although I was only 9 and wasn’t officially dating anyone, I liked the idea that I was a rough mountain man that was misunderstood by the pretty city girls. This was my kind of show.We got back to the mountains, I looked for the show for about a month with no luck. In college, I poked around the Internet hoping I’d find something, and didn’t come up with anything.

I just checkout out Wikipedia and found out the show was canceled after its first season of 12 episodes. No wonder I couldn’t find it on TV! It’s a shame too… You know, I might be the biggest fan that show ever had. If I had more time on my hands, I’d start an ironic High Mountain Rangers fan club online.

Over the course of writing this, it’s gone from “kinda dark” outside to a bright bright morning. The snow is a big mirror to reflect the rays of the sun, and this cabin is so bright inside I can barely see the computer monitor because of the reflections. I should point out that although it’s cold outside, my bare toes are warm right now. Radiant floor heating is the best thing in the world. By the way, I still haven’t seen a wild animal outside.