I am sitting in a hotel in Tucson, Arizona, on a Friday afternoon. Tonight I will be giving the first talk at Steubenville West. It’s basically a weekend-long conference for Catholic teenagers. People drive in from all over the West to come to this conference, and it is quite an honor to be asked to be a speaker here.

My life has been so insanely busy over the past few months/years, I haven’t had time to adequately prepare for my talk tonight. It’s supposed to be called “Seek His Glory”, and I’m uncomfortable with this whole idea. I cringe at churchy words: glory, praise, worship, renown, blessed, anointed, redeemed, etc. Since nobody else in the world uses these words, they become the lingo for an inside group, which creates unhealthy division. I hate it when people talk all the time with churchy words because they seem so detached from reality.

My car is not in good driving condition, so I hitched a ride with my friend Missy. It was a fun drive down here. We are in the same group of friends, but this was the first chance I had to really get to know her. As soon as we arrived in Tucson, I hiked up to my room on the fifth floor, opened this computer.

I know this weekend is going to be wonderful, but I don’t really want to be here. I’ve been to too many conferences this summer, and I’m getting worn out. I’ve had packed summers for the past five years of my life, and it’s been awesome. But all I want to do now is be lazy with my girlfriend.

Participating in prayer groups and Masses can be very emotionally and spiritually satisfying. But this summer has pushed me to the point where those experiences mean nothing to me anymore. I believe in my head something powerful is happening, but nothing stirs in my heart. I give my all because I know God deserves it. I’m not here because I want to be here. I’m here because God called me here.