Going on another show is a good splash of adventure, but in the end it doesn’t have a lasting effect on any viewer. If I am really going to make a difference in this world, it’s not going to come from going on another show. There is real work to do and I need to get on with it.

I have no interest in being a star. I make no apology about wanting to be influential and powerful, but I don’t need to be adored like a celebrity. I feel special enough already. The thought of going on a Road Rules Challenge causes anxiety to spin around in my chest. I just want to keep working in youth ministry and settle down with Candyce. The things I used to be into don’t have the same appeal to me.

I am so excited about my yard, I think I am crazy. Part of me thinks this is embarrassed because this is one of the first signs that I am a certified adult. Young and wild folks don’t care about their landscaping. But I do! Then another part of me wishes I didn’t care about my yard because I should be doing bigger and better things. Indiana Jones never had a yard to worry about, because he was always on a new adventure around the world.

This all comes down to me being stuck in the awkward life of as an unmarried adult.; I exhaust my ambition and passion all day at work and every weekend on the road. I don’t have a family to love and take care of, so I spend the rest of my time fiddling with trivial things, like websites and carpet colors.

I think I’m just writing about this because I am so tired from all my travels this year. I am whooped.