Last night I had a dream that all adults were required to take the SAT again. The problem was that none of the test questions were visible on the page. The pages kept changing colors and sizes, so every time I looked back to the sheet of questions, it looked nothing like it did before. Plus, there were random items that ended up on my desk, objects that apparently related to this new exciting version of the SAT. There were 3 black socks, an avocado, and a photo of Ralph Machio from The Karate Kid.

There was a professor in the room who paced back and forth with excitement as I sat there trying to figure out what to do with my avocado. Some grownups started chatting away in the corner about how ridiculous this whole ordeal was, and they were violently yanked from their desks and dragged out of the testing room by police officers.

I was so happy when I woke up to realize I’m actually here in the White Mountains of Eastern Arizona. I’m a grown man who’s married and spending a weekend with his homies. I peeked through the blinds to see that the sun was getting ready to rise, so I scrambled downstairs to see if I could see some wildlife in the early morning. I got hooked on looking for wildlife in the early morning last summer at Yosemite when I was rewarded with bobcat, a coyote, and a bunch of deer. I never knew it was so much to be the star in my own Discovery Channel TV show.

So I fumbled down the stairs to catch the show. I built a fire in the fireplace and made some coffee so my homies will l have something fun to wake up to. Now I’m here typing because I think it’s too damn cold out there even for the animals. They still lounging in their animal houses up in the woods. There’s about ten inches of snow on the ground outside, and the snow drifts on the front porch are two feet deep. It’s fun looking at the snow, but it’s like staring at the same painting for an hour. You just get bored.

:::

High Mountain Rangers

1988 was a good year for me. I was nine years old and my family took a trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina to hang out at the beach while staying in a free weekend at a “timeshare”. (Dad described it to me like this: We get to stay here for free as long as me and Mom sit in a three hour meeting where they try to get us to buy this place.) I remember thinking those people were dumb because they obviously didn’t know we were broke. We couldn’t even buy pop tarts, much less a “combo” by the beach.

I was thrilled because we were at the beach and there would be skateboarders there like me, but I was strung out with joy because our condo was on the 10th floor of the building. I’d never stayed in a place that high off the ground before.

The adventures just kept coming. That night Katie, Kristie, and I got to explore all of the TV channels that beach people got to watch, and we came across a show called The High Mountain Rangers. The plot was pretty simple: a dad and his two sons are part of a rescue crew that saves the lives of dumb tourists lost in the snowy mountains. Check out the Show intro High Mountain Rangers on YouTube.

This show made me feel pretty cool because I lived in the mountains too and I was always in the woods. And although I was only 9 and wasn’t officially dating anyone, I liked the idea that I was a rough mountain man that was misunderstood by the pretty city girls. This was my kind of show.We got back to the mountains, I looked for the show for about a month with no luck. In college, I poked around the Internet hoping I’d find something, and didn’t come up with anything.

I just checkout out Wikipedia and found out the show was canceled after its first season of 12 episodes. No wonder I couldn’t find it on TV! It’s a shame too… You know, I might be the biggest fan that show ever had. If I had more time on my hands, I’d start an ironic High Mountain Rangers fan club online.

Over the course of writing this, it’s gone from “kinda dark” outside to a bright bright morning. The snow is a big mirror to reflect the rays of the sun, and this cabin is so bright inside I can barely see the computer monitor because of the reflections. I should point out that although it’s cold outside, my bare toes are warm right now. Radiant floor heating is the best thing in the world. By the way, I still haven’t seen a wild animal outside.