Note: What you are about to read might be boring. If you are an overachiever who enjoys reading about overachieving, then this one is for you.

The first three months of this year have been profoundly productive in both my personal life and my professional life. (I opted for “profoundly” because “extremely” and “ridiculously” are overused.) Today I will write about the profound productivity in my personal life.

This all started because Candyce and I crashed for the last two weeks of 2008 on the beaches of San Diego and the slopes of Big Bear. It was good to relax and enjoy Christmas with family. We returned home with a new year prompting us to be go-getters. We spent the first week in Phoenix explaining to each other all of the things we had to do. By the weekend, my head was spinning with the dozens of things we had to do right now. I was filled with anxiety.

In years past, I would see that there was something to do and then immediately do it. The kitchen is dirty? Clean it. What’s next–the car needs an oil change? Drive it to the shop down the street. Are my gold teeth getting dull? Polish ‘em!!!

You get the idea.

This impulsive and never-ending laboring is a sign of a young overachiever who hasn’t reckoned ambition with reality.  In high school and college, a young overachiever takes difficult classes, plays lots of sports, gets a job, and you stays involved in clubs.  I’ve learned that packing your schedule is a good thing, but it’s also a linear way to be productive. It’s good to get stuff done, but am I getting the right stuff done? Don’t confuse being busy with being productive.

Make Priorities, Save Your Life

I like to think I’ve matured into becoming an overachiever who obsesses over making priorities.  How does this look? You step away from your projects/goals/ambitions and analyze what you need to do before you do it. You recognize what projects are more important than others. Then you get realistic with your time, money, and energy. Next you spread out your projects over a realistic time frame. Then you get to work.

It’s a straight forward process, really.

Now that I am married, it’s absolutely critical that we make priorities together–because we’re both trying to get things done. If we don’t work together, our home is filled with tension and frustration. We see one another as an obstacle to accomplishing our goals.

So Candyce and I sat down at the dinner table in early January and wrote down everything that was on our mind: dentist appointments, finally mailing Christmas cards, fixing the hot water heater, childproofing the house, taking down the Christmas tree, etc. These are the obvious chores that scream at you as you walk through your day.

Some couples will make the list and then make priorities. But I strongly encourage you to write down all the things that aren’t chores or projects, but things that steal our joy: fear of high cell phone bills, or the fear that the tree in the backyard was dying and might blow over, etc.  It takes humility to be honest with yourself (and your spouse) about what is causing you anxiety in your life. Most of us have been so battered by inconsiderate people in our lives that it’s hard to be vulnerable and explain the things that frighten us, so the thought of sharing those things with someone else seems like a bad idea. But the way I see it, there are a million things out there that can steal your joy or make you an anxious person. Anxiety is a useless state of being; you feel horrible and you are paralyzed from getting things done, which creates more anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle.

So we talked through each of the joy-stealers. Candyce assured me that our cell phone plan had free picture messaging so it’s okay to send photos to her parents. I told Candyce that the tree was dying and would need to be cut down, but it’s not going to fall over this unless we get a hurricane in Arizona. After talking through the other joy-stealers, we both felt better.

Now that we had calm hearts, we looked at our list of stuff to do. (For the record, this was a big list, filling up both sides of a sheet of paper.) It was time to prioritize. Which things need to get done today? This week? What can be postponed till next month? Later in the year? We weren’t procrastinating, but we were being realistic how long projects take. This is why a newly-elected U.S. President doesn’t try to get everything done in his first 100 days. He spreads his work over a 4-year term.

After we prioritized and scheduled our chores we were new people. We looked at that long list with a sense of pride. The anxiety, fear, frustration–all gone! Sure, there was plenty of work to do, but we knew what and when and why.

Changing Priorities as Time Passes

We start each week by reviewing the list and then communicating what both of us will be working on. This list sits on our dining room table so that it’s convenient and visible for both of us. If we had a free hour or two and felt energetic, we’d look at the list and pick out out a project to work on.  And of course, we took great pride in crossing things off the list.

Over the past three months, we’ve added things to this list because life gives you more work to do.  Sometimes random things happen and you have to change your priorities. But don’t slide back into your old ways and impulsively jumping into a new project;  first add it to our list and seeing if the project is more important than the things we said we wanted to do at the beginning of the year.

So What Did I Accomplish?

If you are feeling voyeuristic, here’s a look back at the things on my half of the list.

  1. Run. Run. Run. Candyce, Norah, and I have run at least three miles 3-4 times a week. Last month we ran in a 5k race and did well. This Saturday we’ll run in the Pat Tilman Run here in Tempe.
  2. Made a wooden block set for my nephew Jack.
  3. Got ticketed in Scottsdale for having an expired license plate. Although it was humiliating to be lit up on my way to a Bible study, the officer was a cool guy. He didn’t ticket me for speeding, just for the expired plate. I got some insider info on Charles Barkley’s arrest from a couple weeks earlier. To set my life in order, I got the car tested for emissions. Then renewed my plates. Through January and February, I went to court twice: the first to get my ticket reduced (which happened) the second to get the moving violation expunged from my record (which didn’t happened.) This was not on our list, but stuff happens and your list changes.
  4. Made sense of Norah’s big fast stack hospital bills. This was HUGE. Dozens of letters had to be opened, deciphered, organized, and fact checked. And some had to be disputed.
  5. Inbox Zero. The guys at the office are having fun finding creative ways to be more productive (see 42folders.com), and my favorite new technique is to purposefully check your email with the end goal being an empty inbox. From their site,

    “Clearly, the problem of email overload is taking a toll on all our time, productivity, and sanity, mainly because most of us lack a cohesive system for processing our messages and converting them into appropriate actions as quickly as possible.”

  6. Prepared for and delivered eight talks in eight different cities–in less than three months. That’s about 15,000 miles of flying.
  7. Had Candyce’s pearl earrings fixed–not the biggest chore, but what man likes to plan a trip to the jewelry store?
  8. Condensed our two remote controls into one. You cannot imagine how much easier this makes my life. Fixed our Tivo (with the help of a guy on the phone) so we can record one show while watching another. Don’t accuse me of being a couch potato because you don’t know me.
  9. In the kitchen crown molding, I recessed the nails with a nail set, filled in with wood filler, caulked the joints, and finished with two coats of paint.
  10. Hiked Picacho Peak, Elephant Butte, and South Mountain (twice)
  11. Sanded and finished my kitchen bar stools
  12. Switched car insurance
  13. Switched dentists
  14. Banking matters
  15. Hired landscape guys to maintain the yard
  16. Started twittering: http://twitter.com/supaflycom
  17. Kept this blog updated
  18. Made major progress on a freelance web project
  19. Cheered for the Phoenix Suns.
  20. Cleaned my garage
  21. Celebrated spring by attending about 15 picnic lunches hosted by Candyce and Norah.
  22. Hosted Candyce’s family in town for Holy Week
  23. Got my 1954 Chevy fired up gain, drove it around the block
  24. Filed my 2008 taxes

The end result? We’re a happier couple and more satisfied with where we are in our lives. This style of planning and prioritizing will be a big part of our life together. Now it’s time to plan for the 2nd quarter.