I know I am not stable. I do not have everything figured out. I am tired of working. No, I love the work I do, whether it is traveling and speaking or running lifeteen.com. I get tired, but that’s how it goes.

What makes me so broken-hearted is that I view my faith, my Christian walk, as work. I am not talking about waking up in the morning thinking, “time to make the Christian.”

What I am talking about is accepting God’s grace is more damn work. I am on an airplane now and I don’t want to be here. I’ve been in the sky for hours and hours today. I am locked into this seat and I am miserable. I am caged. Shouldn’t I be able to let God wash this situation with grace, and be at peace? I want to cry.

Prayer. Prayer–I know–is when I connect with God and he connects with me. How wonderful. Then why do I feel more obligated to pray than drawn to pray? That is so messed up.

Why can’t I just “be”? I know that is what Christians are supposed to do/be.

Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.

Why can’t I just be?

I am sick of this. I am going to snap. God are you going to help me? DO YOU HEAR ME? I can’t live like this. I’m killing myself.