In the week since my dad and brother came to visit, a lot has changed in how I look at my life. I didn’t expect this to happen, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Hopefully I can sort it out in this journal. I’m going to be 27 next month, and I’m taking a look at my life since I went on “The Real World” when I just turned 21. I’ve poured all that I have into each day since then, and I’m beginning to feel the toll it’s taken on my life.

My brother and dad came to visit me for two reasons: to help my brother look at jobs out here, and to help me with projects around the house. The most important of the two was giving my brother a chance to see all of the home building out here compared to Georgia. He’s not married and he has nothing to lose, so he needs to know what opportunity is out there.

I told them I needed their help around the house mostly because I don’t know how to entertain the guys in our family. I can’t take them to cool parts of town with cute shops like you do with most guests. The best way for us to spend quality time with each other is to work on something together. So I made a list of unfinished projects, ranging from tasks as small as filling nail holes, and as big as tearing out my entire kitchen.

Half way through the weekend, Dad told me that he didn’t know how I spent my money. “There is nothing in your house: no towels, no beds, and your light bulbs are all burned out.” His disbelief became apparent as we finished projects and crossed things off the list. How did I not have the time to finish these easy 30-minute projects? It’s because I am always at work.

It’s becoming more obvious by the hour that my personal life has been entirely ignored for the past six years. I’m lucky to have as quality of a relationship with Candyce as I have. I am lucky my house is still standing–literally. I’ve had three broken sprinkler systems on the corners of my house that have threatened the foundation of my house. It took me over a year-and-a-half to fix each of them. How could that have not been a priority? Because there were 100 other urgent things to tend to–most of them at work. That since of urgency is destroying my life.;

The past week I’ve had a sinking feeling inside of me that I am falling apart. I’ve worked hard to get lifeteen.com where it is today, and it has been worth the fight. The next two years on the site have huge potential. This would normally make me giddy with excitement, but it makes me feel terrible because all of this means more work, more deadlines, more impatient people and more critics. I can’t work anymore. I can’t stand the thought of being at the studio.

I have to make real changes in my life if I am going to keep my sanity. I’m not exaggerating…I am being absolutely serious. I am about to snap. I talked to my boss about this half way through the week, and he understands. He’s given his blood too, and he’s been where I’ve been. We’re going to work something out to get some time off.

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Matt Maher told me about a sermon that the Vatican Preacher gave to the Pope. It’s about making the mistake of tending to what is URGENT as opposed to what its IMPORTANT. There are many things in life that command our attention because they are urgent, but we never stop to think about whether or not it is really important.