Supafly.com

Leg #1: Phoenix >> Chicago >> Pittsburgh >> Steubenville
Leg #2: Steubenville >> Pittsburgh >> Charlotte >> Phoenix >> San Diego
Leg #3: San Diego >> almost Huntsville then Knoxville >> Atlanta >> Tiger
Leg #4: Tiger >> Atlanta >> Fort Meyers >> Ave Maria
Leg #5: Ave Maria >> Fort Meyers >> Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta >> Phoenix

People watching at Chicago O’Hare Airport

Getting up at 4am is not fun. The body is confused by three competing sensations: exhaustion, adrenaline, and anxiety. But somehow it’s a beautiful moment when you realize somebody loves you enough to wake up with you and drive you to the airport. I kissed Candyce goodbye at the curb. Two hours later, I was asleep on the plane to Chicago.

What do you do with four hours to kill in Chicago? People watch. Unlike like your local mall, you can gaze upon the hordes at the airport without feeling like a creep. While observing the foot-traffic patterns for a couple hours, I’ve developed two rules worth making into laws:

1. Walk fast or get out of the way. You may have some time to kill waiting for your flight, but most people do not. Nine out of ten people in an airport are zooming through the airport so they can catch a close flight. And that flight means a lot: there are loved ones and big business deals waiting at their final destinations. So save your leisurely stroll for your neighborhood sidewalks! If you are a chaperon of a group on a summer trip and you have to stop and regather, do it away from the lanes of hurried travelers. This common sense understanding of the reality of airport will save you from getting yelled at or punched in the face.
2. Do not walk and eat at the same time. This is not as civic-minded as the first rule; I just don’t like watching people who do this. Let’s break this down. If you are in a hurry and you are walking, you have an air of importance because you are alert and on a mission. I’m okay with this. Eating is an occasion for romance and friendship, and an opportunity to delight in a chef’s handiwork. I’m okay with this too. But when you try to walk and eat at the same time, you look unsophisticated and confused by surroundings. This can all be avoided if you get it to go and eat it on the airplane. (Exception to this rule: walking and eating Mentos.)

Buy Upright Roller Luggage with Caution

I think we all have to do our part to add dignity and finesse to the thoroughfares of the modern world. What would we do without young people with scarves zipping around our city streets on Vespa scooters? You all make me smile! My wife likes seeing guys carry bouquets of flowers up staircases because she knows love is in the air. Think about it, every neighborhood coffee shop needs at least one old guy wearing a barrette, and everyone feels safe and happy when cute young moms push baby strollers through neighborhood sidewalks.

This brings me to a modern atrocity known as “upright roller luggage.” But first, let’s review where we’ve been:

1. Grab life buy the handle. You can watch old black and white movies and admire men with hats and suit jackets carrying their luggage by the handle, the same way you’d carry a toolbox or a briefcase. You looked ambitious and ready for new opportunities. The film Catch Me if You Can would not have been the same without several scenes accessorized by handled suitcases.

Leo never looked so good.

As an added bonus, a handled suitcase can be used as a weapon.

2. Luggage on a leash. Using forensic evidence I’ve found at thrift stores from my childhood, somewhere in the 1960s, people’s arms got tired and they invented the first wheeled suitcase. These were hard-shell vinyl suitcases in dazzling colors like harvest gold, avocado green, orange, and occasionally turquoise.

If you are 25 or younger, you’ve probably never seen one of these. Here’s kinda how it worked…imagine lowering your hand-held suitcase onto four wheels and then fastening a short leash to the top front corner. Now drag it behind you like a stiff, reluctant dog. This invention was hardly an accomplishment: it was top heavy and prone to flipping and knocking over children when you made tight turns. Not even lusty retro lovers will buy one of these monstrosities at a yard sale. These are all decaying in American landfills next to first-run lava lamps.

3. Modern pull-behind luggage. This is the most functional type of travel bag you can find. It’s agile and rarely tips over. As an added bonus, you can stuff the bottom of a Starbucks coffee cup in the spot where the collapsed handle fits. And if you are trying to look cool, you will be happy to know that pull behind luggage adds to your swagger in the same way as carrying an umbrella ads to your peppiness. As an added bonus, the durable wheels inherited from Rollerblades glide across the floor with a rhythmic pulse. Humanity wins!

4. Upright rollers. It’s basically a looks just like the modern pull-behind luggage, except it rolls beside you on four wheels. The telescoping handle is used to steer the thing as you go. (Stay tuned for a diagram.)

The problem here is that you just can’t look cool with one of these things. You are as cartoonish as a sprinter running with his hands in his pockets. Or like you are dragging a really heavy purse on the ground next to you. I haven’t seen one tip over yet, but it looks built-to-spill like a waitress who balances a coffee pot on her head. I’m getting mad just writing about it, so I’ll stop here.

Franciscan University of Steubenville Welcomes Matt Smith

I haven’t been on the campus of Franciscan since the summer of 2003. I was happy to see that the dorms have been re-built to look more residential and less institutional (peaked roofs vs. brick boxes.) I enjoyed speaking at the conference and visiting with the students. The coffee shop at the center of campus made for a fun common grounds while the thunderstorms swirled through Ohio.

At the end of the day, I decompressed at the hotel watching jazz ensembles from the 1960s on PBS and Hip Hop v. America: Where Did the Love Go? on BET.