Tonight was so random. I was sitting in the grocery store parking lot, patiently waiting for the light to turn green so I could drive home. On the other side of the street, I saw two teenage boys dressed in black run away from what looked like a campfire. The flames rose high and began reflecting off the wall just a few feet away close to someone’s house. I was on the phone with Candyce. “Holy sh!t there’s a fire! I gotta go.”

I drove across the intersection through the red light. It was almost like I was on Frogger. A few seconds later I was dialed 911 before jumping out of the car. I ran through the ditch and my flip-flops towards the flame now 5 feet tall. As the 911 operator picked up the phone, I turned back towards my car and grabbed a gallon of milk I just bought at the store.

(Honestly, I look pretty stupid now that I think about it, talking on the phone while running through a ditch, wearing flip flops with a gallon of milk.)

I tore off the top doused the fire with 2% milk. I could smell the chemicals that teenagers poured on the dry bush. At this point, the excitement was over. I stood next to the fire answering the questions from the 911 operator. I looked to the left and right and realized that many other bushes could’ve caught on fire, and I was happy to be there when I was.

I met a cop in the parking lot five minutes later, and he hit me with the typical questions and officer might get someone who he believes is actually the culprit.

  1. Where were you when you saw the fire?
  2. Did you say there are how many boys?
  3. And you just happen to be here?

I couldn’t help but want a laugh in his face. Really. I’m a 28-year-old man, I have better things to do than light bushes on fire, extinguish them with milk, and then report myself to the police. I gave him a quick thank you and then walked back to my car, just like the impatient New Yorkers do on an episode of Law & Order.

My brother is a police officer, so I called him this morning and retold the story. He got a good laugh out of it to.

Not once in my first 21 years did I call 911, but now that I’m out of college, I feel like I do it every year.

  1. Several years ago I called 911 after I heard gunshots in my neighborhood. They said that they would send a police officer right over to check things out. I went back to sleep and forgot about it.
  2. Six months later Matt Maher and I woke up in the middle of the night to a gigantic BOOM, the sound is so big that you imagine a dump truck filled with gasoline exploded in your living room. The windows of the house shook. He ran outside with his shotgun and I, well, I just ran outside. The dark street was peaceful. We called 911, and they said they would send someone over to check it out. (To this day, I have no idea what would make that loud of a sound.)
  3. Earlier this year, I almost ran into a parked car in the middle of a busy street just after sunset. It was tucked behind a median in a dark corner where there were no street lights. I just knew the people driving through the intersection trying to make a green would rear end this thing and get seriously messed up. So I pulled over underneath a street light and ran to the median and back to the car to see if there was anyone inside.

It was empty and totally trashed. It smelled like cigarettes and alcohol in body odor. I felt so dirty. Whoever drove this car lived a life so unlike my own. The car wouldn’t start, but it did have enough juice in the battery to keep the parking lights on. I hopped in my car and drove off to my appointment. The 911 operator treated me similar as how the cop did last night. She prodded me trying to figure out if this was in fact my car and not someone else’s. I was blunt with her this and it’s not my car. I’m in my own car now I’ve got to go. I very neat car, by the way.

Ultimately, my good deed today with the fire was returned today by Leah, Nick’s girlfriend. She made a trip to the grocery store and picked me up a gallon of milk. There’s a true hero—no good story, no excitement. Just a nice thing to do for someone who really wanted to eat Lucky Charms.