I don’t know. After taking time off of work this month, I know for sure that I will not put in the same excessive hours I have given over the past four years. It’s not because I have given up hope, but I realize that my extra effort has given others in our organization the illusion that everything is okay with the website. If it ain’t broke, why fix it?

It’s embarrassing that it has to come to this, but I have to fail before others will realize that I need help. So if someone needs something done on the website, I have to tell them that realistically, I can’t do it. Before I stayed late and tried to get it done, and now I’m more realistic. There simply isn’t enough time. So what was once my own frustration is now everyone’s frustration. I almost feel bad by failing them, but it’s the only option I have. I am tired of celebrating such small success. Everytime I read of someone else’s success story, I ache inside, knowing that my successes can be just as grand–but they are not. I have a profound drive inside of me to be successful. I cannot shake it. It might be my vanity or ego. All I know is the drive is there, it has always been there, and it will never go away. I don’t like the fact that I am aging, and my successes are not growing.Part of me wonders: does it really have to be this hard? Does progress have to be so slow? I’m almost 27 years old, and I’ve worked for Life Teen since I graduated college. How can I do so well at my job, yet not be supported by having more staff?Part of me wants to break free and find a place where I can be as creative as I want to be. So far, these have been my options:

1. Move to San Diego and start a landscaping design company;
2. Go full-time with nomoho.com
3. Real Estate investor: buying homes, fixing them up, then selling them.
4. Open a coffee shop with Candyce
5. Start a web design company
6. Open a franchise of a successful restaurant
7. Start my own website and magazine combination
8. Full time speaker
9. Independant Industrial Design firm creating clever products for internet sale
10. Go to grad school for architecture or building constrution
11. Join corporate America and see how much someone will pay me
12. Start a record label
13. Open a hot rod and custom car shop
14. Go to grad school to get my MBA
15. Try to be an apprentice to “the world’s best” at something
16. Design T-shirts for bands
17. Work for;a progressive surf company. Become a Bob;Hurley.
18. Write a book.
19. Start a website that sells custom cars;
20. Partner with my girlfriend’s dad as a real estate investor
;;
I’ve avoided complaining to my bosses because I know our organization already has enough to deal with. But I am getting to a point where it either needs to be fixed or I will find another job. Part of my feels like I am abandoning a key part of who I am: an idealist who wants to change the world. Maybe it’s time for another ideal.