We all have dreams, and we all like to talk about them. Unfortunately, none of us like to listen when someone else talks about their dreams. If you didn’t know this already, as soon as you start talking about your dream, people will stop paying attention. They may be nodding their head, but they’re counting the seconds when you go back to talking about something that makes sense.

Why can’t we help but talk about our dreams? It could be that we understand that if you don’t articulate your dream, last night’s adventure will evaporate by the end of your first cup of coffee. This is an urgent matter. Plus, you may still have some emotion left over from the dream, and the only way you know to deal with it is to talk about it. Still, this doesn’t mean people want to hear about your dreams.

People tell others about their dreams because a rare moment where we can be outrageous without having to pay the consequences. Dreamland is a place where they can do and say things that don’t have to align with their daytime ideals. You can get in a fistfight with Michael Bolton in a dream, even if by day you are a big fan. But in reality, dreams are rarely interesting at all, and it’s all because of poor delivery.

Here’s some general rules I apply to my dream-telling:

  1. Don’t expect a captive audience. You need to be okay with the fact that nobody will listen to your story from the beginning to the end.
  2. It’s considerate to tell someone about your dream while they’re doing something else, like cleaning their kitchen. Never tell a “last night I had this dream…” story while out to lunch.
  3. Never talk about your dream for more than 3 minutes. If you go on any longer than that, you have a good chance of being told to “shut up.” Or “shut the hell up.”
  4. If you think your dream is entertaining, practice your story with a compassionate friend before you present it to a more discriminating crowd. A dream can’t be amusing to someone while you’re still trying to put together the pieces.

If you are telling your dream story because you hope to delight someone by giving them something interesting to think about, try to get to the facts. Here’s three examples:

This is Bad

If you are confused by the details, don’t expect someone to be able to follow your story. There’s no hope of a punchline. Try to suffer through reading this:

I had a dream I went back to Young Harris College to teach a class. Or was it a summer camp? I don’t know. All I remember was standing in front of the cafeteria, and there were all these people… They were wearing these dumb things and they were okay about it. I can’t remember what they were doing, but it was weird. Then I talked to my old professor. Have I ever told you about him? He was nice in the dream but didn’t look like who he is in real life… Somewhere in the dream I took a bus and ended up at a neighborhood that looked like that one in the magazine from yesterday, the boxy houses that look like they are made out of metal and glass. Accept it was in the mountains… I was playing basketball but I don’t remember actually shooting the ball. Then one of the guys from the Phoenix Suns came out…

(I’ll just stop there. I’m bored writing about it, and you are bored reading it.)

This is Good

You get to the point. You cut out a lot of the unnecessary pieces, although some still need to go.

I had a dream I was back at Young Harris college in the mountains of Georgia. I ran into the students I went to school with, except a lot of them had on silly hats. It was fun. I talked to old professors and eventually took a bus to a cool looking neighborhood. I toured a house and I really liked it. The next thing I can remember I was playing basketball and all the Suns players were on the court. I think they were playing the Dallas Mavericks, except none of the players on their team looked like they were supposed to.

This is Great

You only hit the most important points. Your matter-of-fact delivery makes the it seem like you are telling a real-life story, which makes the scenes in the dream more outrageous.

I had a dream I ended back up in Young Harris College in the mountains of Georgia. I found a beautiful neighborhood of modern homes in a hidden valley not far from campus. The community basketball court was the practice court for the Phoenix Suns. I sat down on a tree stump with my dad and watched the Suns play the Mavericks. Except Dirk Nowitzki was black.

Don’t say anymore. Leave it that and move onto a new subject.

Summary: I’m Serious

I didn’t write this because I have too much time on my hands. On the contrary, I have very little time, and I have to publish this and get the word out to people. I’m tired of hearing bad dream stories. I’m a friendly person, but I have my limits. If I hear one more bad dream story, I’m going to start hitting people.

(I understand it is unlikely that the word will get out fast enough. So I have tip for listeners out there. If you’re stuck listening to someone’s dream story and you are utterly bored, one way I keep myself entertained by losing track of the story and then react to their story like they are telling a real life story. This is funny only if you are subtle and act truly confused.)