I am so frustrated with work I don’t know what to do with myself. I realize that my ambitions for lifeteen.com may be too big for the organization itself. It’s not that our organization doesn’t get it, it’s just we do not have the infrastructure and funding to support my big vision for our website and the ministry as a whole.

Time is so precious to me. I’ve given most of my 20s to serving our ministry. I’ve delivered an excellent website with unlimited potential for influence. With a larger staff, we would be unstoppable. But that larger staff will never come. At this rate, it will be 10 years before I can have a large enough staff to effectively manage this website. That means I will be 37. That just seems so wrong.

I’ve designed and built a beautiful building from the ground up. Now that the ribbon is cut and the doors are open, I am handed a mop and broom so I can clean the floors for the next five years. I’m fine with this as long as there are others doing the rest of the work it takes to operate a structure this large. But there is nobody else; I; have to do it all. Trim the bushes. Water the lawn. Paint the lines the parking lot. Collect rent. Replace light bulbs. Greet people at the door. Operate the elevator. Help tenants. Advertise. Answer calls. Fill vacancies…; It’s driving me crazy.

I’m burning out and my heart is breaking. I’m trying to find a way out of this mess. AS I see it, I have a few options:

1. Go part time. I don’t want to abandon the work that I’ve done, so maybe if I went part time I could make sure things at least stay on track. With the rest of my time I would develop my other web projects.

2. Find someone to replace me. If our organization cannot support the vision behind the website, then they need to hire someone to do the work I am stuck doing day-in and day-out.

3. Change the circumstances that have created my frustration. If our organization cannot support the website, then I need to make it so that it can support our website.; This could mean making people more aware of how the website is critical to what we are trying to do. This could mean that I have to go out and find more donors. This is the least desirable option because to me this seems like too much work. If a website is meant to succeed, does it take 6 years of lobbying? It might be time to move on.

4. Quit now and come back later. Time is precious to me. I don’t want to just “have a job” for two years so I can pay bills. I have to be creating and innovating or I will go crazy. I’ll move on to other projects that I know I can make successful. Once Life Teen is ready for a successful website, I’ll come back and pick up where I left off. Although this sounds like the quickest solution to my problem, I realize that it is the least realistic.

I understand in all of this it sounds like I think it’s all about lifeteen.com and nothing about the rest of Life Teen. But nothing can be further from the truth. I believe that lifeteen.com is what makes each part of our ministry BETTER. It brings our ministry to life.

I’m tired of writing about this, but I can’t help it because these thoughts spin in my head through every minute of the day. I don’t know where God fits into all of this. I’m too frustrated to even go there.