I can’t believe it’s almost August. I didn’t have many goals when I came out here to San Diego for the summer, mostly because I just wanted to relax and explore the beach. But I did expect to get some smaller goals accomplished, and I don’t know if any of that will happen.

I wonder if I am a prisoner of my own ambition. I just don’t want to think that my time and talent is ever going to waste. I want to make a difference. And not a small difference—a big difference. I want the world to notice me.; It’s not fame that I want, because I’ve already been on two TV shows and experienced enough fame. I just want to accomplish more than I ever thought that I could. I want big things to happen because I believed that it could happen, and then I committed to making it happen.

I just read about the new executive at Ford. He is also managing two other major car companies. He spends part of his time in Paris, then some time in Japan, and finally a week in America. He literally circles the globe every month in his private jet. I just can’t imagine how good you have to be to have three huge companies wanting you in one month.

Maybe if I am ambitious enough, I can become more like him. At least that how I think for most of my days. Where’s my new challenge? I will be there. Maybe I’m drinking too much of the American dream of accomplishing anything. Maybe if I were born in a remote village in Asia I wouldn’t be plagued by ambition. I’d be content just existing.

If life is all about ambition, there isn’t much room for anything else. Many times I have seen ambition warp priorities and threaten good things. But one thing I know for sure is that ambition creates restlessness in my heart. Good or bad, it’s always there.

So I am caught in this strange place of desiring greatness, all the while knowing that it could also kill me. Maybe not physically, but ambition could certainly steal an entire life’s worth of attention and affection. And if I am more ambitious than I am wise, I could destroy what I already have going for me.

I was not planning on writing about this. It just kind of exploded out of my finger tips onto this page.